Something important I have not done since the start of this year. Resolutions. Lately, I have been so caught up with projects and assignments that I barely have the time to think this through. Well, I guess first and foremost is to maintain my results the way it is. I just wish I could make it through, for at least my second year, smoothly. I believe next year, this would be roughly the time we start to get involve in internship programmes. For the long run, I wish to have a secure job with sufficient income while enjoying what I do or at least something I can manage. Before I came to Temasek Polytechnic, I remember I was so anxious. I was thinking which CCA should I join. In fact, dancing and hockey were just two that I short-listed. The timetable, however, in TDS does not allow me to join any. If I had class starting at 6pm, it would clash with any CCA if I took. Photography was my CCA back in secondary school days and I don't feel like repeating what I have been doing for the past four years. Back to where I am, I hope to widen and strengthen my current social circle. I have learned that we have to make sacrifices at certain points in our lives. Time management is so important to me that sometimes I find it hard to juggle homework and socialising. I think I am better off in Semester Two because I believe I am not as reserved as I was before. Hopefully it does not affect my results. I try to like what I am doing here in school. I want to be more outgoing and active. Recently, I found out that people with tan skin easily inspire me. In time to come, I wish I could portray myself as someone like my brother - easy-going, approachable, spontaneous, etc. Unlike myself, I believe I am seen as a quiet, clumsy, self-conscious and perhaps a shy person. I do find it difficult to change. Sometimes when I'm with my younger cousins, I tend to feel as though they were elder than me. They know how to hold themselves well and even be the life of the party. I am proud of them. I cannot wait for this coming Saturday where everyone would come over for dinner. With that, I am ready to start school tomorrow with a brand new me with a brand new attitude, I hope.

After two days of house visiting, I am more or less into the Chinese New Year mood. Although school resumes tomorrow, I try not to let it dampen the New Year's spirit. It feels like 2009 all over again. The hype of looking forward to meeting our relatives and spending time together came back to me. During these past two days of travelling across Singapore and visiting our relatives’ places, I realised these days, many people do not wear the traditional costumes. Not even my family. Many Singaporean teenagers on the streets basically wore clothes that seemed rather brand new while the oldest generation still keeps the tradition going. If I were a girl, I would be rocking the Cheongsam. Haha, just kidding! I walked the streets of Chinatown last Saturday, to soak the atmosphere and try to get at least one or two traditional clothing. Most of them were made of silk and if I were to wear them, I would be a sore thumb sticking out. Everyone in my family would be wearing brand new clothes. Anyway, I don't like the traditional costumes made for men. It seemed very cheesy having to button up all the way up to the neck with those round beads, I believe. The colours were too extreme - striking pink, red or yellow. Do not get me wrong, I like the colour yellow but I am not used to wearing yellow on silk. Why can't traditional clothes be more street wear? Well, I guess it will defeat the whole purpose of being traditional. I did saw a few nicer designs in a store located in Chinatown however the store was too crowded to try on any clothes. With that, money was spent on food rather than on clothes. On Monday, I wore light blue jeans, showing skin in patches, and a fitting yellow shirt on the first day. With that same jeans, I wore that same design t-shirt but of a different colour on the next day. Something different from what I would wear during visiting. I feel like a cowboy visiting houses. A few days before the festival began, I was trying on skinny jeans at Topshop. If you were in the same perimeters of the store, you would be able to hear some uncontrollable laughter coming from a fitting room. Skinny jeans stick to your leg however you move. As most of my pants were baggy, I was not used to something that sucks to your skin. I felt embarrassed to get out of the fitting room. Who knows I might just get myself one pair for a change next year! Haha!

derek

Yes, I took a few days off my blog and I'm back for a while. Happy Chinese New Year to all. I was told that the longer you stay up late on Chinese New Year Eve, which is the wee hours of Chinese New Year, the longer your parents will live. Interesting. Well I am currently working on my final assignment for Creative Writing to kill the time as long as I can handle. I am not really auspicious but since some things I had been taught, and it does not include life and death, learning from the older generation would not be a bad thing. As of right now, I won't talk about Chinese New Year because it has not officially started. It starts when the money rolls in (I'm kidding). On the way out of the house this evening, my parents' first topic was moving back to a HDB flat. I now live in a terrace house for about 8 years and counting. To suddenly bring this topic out on the eve, I thought it was really something. The reason being firstly, we are all in our own rooms and it would be difficult for them to contact us. In my opinion, I think this reason is quite silly because in every of our rooms, there is a phone where we can easily call each other by pressing the extension numbers. I could give in this idea about moving house because of the second reason which is my parents', actually I believe more of my mother's, bones are not too strong enough to climb stairs everyday and even in the years to come. A reunion dinner at my grandparent's place, my father's side, woke me up. Seeing them standing up and sitting down with extreme difficulty hurts me. Helping them up or supporting their hands or legs, I feel like there is only so much I can help them. Somehow I think I saw another direction when my siblings thought it was cute of my grandfather suddenly, while watching a movie on the television, requested my sister to take a picture of everyone together. We stayed there until 9pm before leaving the house. Currently, I am not in the mood for any assignments. I predicted the other way round. What are the plans for this year's Chinese New Year? It would be the same as every year. Tomorrow (or later today), we will be visiting our grandparents, and to my mom's friend's house on the following day. A two-day break from the festive mood, and back to an all-star gathering at my place this coming Saturday. Our house has nothing for the children. I guess I will be the only one entertaining them, if not with my sister, because my brother has planned to bring his friends over. Selfish.

I had my verbal presentation on the story I read for Creative Writing this morning. Nerve wrecking. It has been a long time ever since I last critiqued or analysed a story in front of a group of people. Once class ended, I went straight to the bookshop to purchase a plastic file for my proposal and placed it in the box. The feeling was great. It felt as though I had completed my whole project. However, soon the feeling faded away when I had to face reality - it was just the start of a project. I met my mother as we made plans to get some New Year clothes the day before. At Parkway Parade, we filled our stomach with noodle soup and proceeded on with our main objective. I bought myself a pair of jeans and three t-shirts while my mother bought a green dress. The moment we reached home, I took a deep sleep until dinner. The night before, I was rushing to complete Project One. Even though we were given extra time today to complete it, I would rather complete all at home and not deal with the long queues at the printing shop in school. As a result, I slept at 5am yesterday night and woke up at 8am. Just in time for my father to drive me to school. The nap I took in the evening was rewarding. Times like these makes me think about my future. I am still unsure if I would want a job that does not defines day or night. Would it be better if I were to just take up any other ordinary jobs? Well, I guess both types have its pros and cons. I have been constantly reminded that a degree is just a degree, by my father, and does not mean it is a dead-end job for us. It is just an advantage that we will hold a degree of a certain major. Will I want to stray away from design? If so, will I fit into the other industries? Will I be at a disadvantage without having the same degree? Do I think too much? I certainly think I do - though I do think is not entirely a bad habit. Tomorrow and the day after will be our presentation day for our projects. Hopefully my hand movements do not move too much; a sign of having butterflies in my stomach. I hope that my proposal will be a successful one. With that, I think that is all I have to say for tonight. I have to wake up early tomorrow as usual to catch my father before he leaves the house. For some reasons, my brother has taken my old bicycle and called it his. I will find for the right time to get it back.

 Doesn't it feels like Chinese New Year? Not until Wanti and my mother hung up the decorations this evening. It's my first time not helping out with the decorations - all thanks to the new academic timetable. I wanted to help, as usual every year, however I was quite busy with my project. I guess I really have to adapt to the new academic timetable. It really feels weird to be in school during December and having to do more work than usual over the holidays. In fact, right now, I am taking time off from my project just to blog. Reflecting can be so powerful. Be it sitting in an air conditioner room typing or writing or just letting hot water run down makes me think about my life and how I had overcome obstacles. When I was in secondary school, I had all the time in the world to improve myself. Nowadays, hardly do I have time for myself to let alone buy New Year clothes! Over the last few days, I had mixed feelings while making a good decision. I went to Aranda Country Club to do some of my homework last Saturday afternoon. Initially, we were supposed to celebrate my aunt's birthday celebration over high tea but I cancelled it, placing my work as first priority. The following day, I wanted to wake up early to start my homework. However, before I switched on the computer, my dad woke my brother and I out of bed and forced us to have lunch with our grandparents and some of our relatives and cousins. The same day, we visited the Old Changi Hospital during the early noon. I kept quiet and followed my brother and cousins the whole time. If I were to object any decision made by them, I would be seen as a wet blanket. I came back, feeling sleepy, and guilty, and started on my homework immediately. Now I think I am a workaholic. Hopefully, I could find some time this week to make a trip downtown with some friends to get my clothes. Worst come to worst, I would have to dig out some clothes I had never worn before and use it for house visiting. After all, most of our relatives and cousins are females. I guess even if I were to wear something I worn before, no one will probably notice. Haha! What a thought! Chinese New Year would never be the same again, I can predict it right now and I will prove my point in days to come.

 Hear me out.
I have something against the dog.
My brother has something against me.
My mom has something against the dog.
My sister has something against my mom.
My brother has something against my sister.
My sister has something against my brother.
My sister has something against me.
My mom has something against my brother.
My brother has something against my mom.
My mom has something against my sister.
My siblings has something against me.
I have something against my siblings.
Where are you dad?

derek

 What a way to start a brand new week! I lost my bicycle after parking it at Pasir Ris MRT Station for two days straight. On the day that I went out with Firdaus and Chin Sian, I cycled and parked it at the train station. After a day's laughter and joy, with a drink in my hand, I slowly made my way home walking that evening. I only found out the loss of my belonging when I was about to leave house this morning. The whole time in school, I was praying that the bicycle would somehow be there where I parked it. When I finally made my way to the train station, I felt really lousy. There was no need to report to the police because this was not the first time my family lost a bicycle. The very first time, my brother took my dad's bicycle and the same thing happened. He made a police report and went through the hassle just to find out if there is a chance to catch the victim. However, the reply from the police was disgustingly unacceptable - the CCTV has not been working for a while. I still, however, don't understand how forgetful not to ride my bicycle back home that day. Let alone, not remembering where my bicycle was on the whole of Sunday when I went out with two of my closest poly friends. Probably the reason why I did not remember riding home could be because someone gave me a lift on the way there and back from the train station. Three hundred dollars flew out of the window with just that silly stupid mistake. I feel angry with myself, I feel angry for the person who is feeling happy with what he has taken - an item that does not belongs to him. Now I think to myself if I were to get a new bicycle, I would rather get a new second-hand bicycle that is cheap and still function as a bicycle. With that, I have to now rely on my old bicycle that, I believe, is the same bicycle my brother rides to school. I have to make clear to him that he has to fix his own bicycle and not take someone else's and call his own one day. This past weekend has been a guilty one for me. Instead of starting on my assignments and projects, I am out and about spending time with friends - a rather rare decision for a person like me as I prefer to get things done as soon as possible. That is all that is on my mind right now, so goodnight.

derek

Did I say I have to run off before I ended my previous entry? Unfortunately I didn't do any exercises since then. After lunch, I was with my other secondary school friends, Chin Sian and Firdaus, spontaneously on Saturday evening. We were walking around City Hall and decided to drop by at SMU. A lot of people of our age were in their running attire walking the same direction as us while I was in my usual bermudas. We walked around the whole area and found out that it was an event going on, and it was just about time a run was starting. Suddenly I remembered visiting a website while researching on the Youth Olympic Games. It was the "CAN! - Singapore 2010 YOG Event"! What a co-incidence! There were primary and secondary school students there in their PE attire all set and ready for the run. There were a lot of balloons everywhere and when the race started, bundles of them started floating in the skies of Singapore. We walked around the empty area and Chin Sian thought of taking a balloon or a bunch of them home for fun. I heard that idea and didn't mind since everyone was doing it. I asked the both of them if they wanted to just to reconfirm. To my dismay, they didn't wanted. Anyway, we were still the same - talking big without taking any actions. We headed back home while the run continued. Sometimes I wish I were sportier, more enthusiastic without fearing what would others think of me, someone totally different from how I was before. Now I want to try anything offered as long as is affordable and within my limits. I remember during the break after O levels, I felt as though I was lack of friends to do the things others are doing. At that time, if I were to think about it, even my closer friends in secondary school can't cycle because they are either obese or unable to balance themselves. When I can predict such answers, I tend not to ask again. At the back of my mind, I know I missed out alot of other fun things that teenagers would usually do like how my brother and his friends cycle to the other side of Singapore and how my sister would bring hers to some sort of games cafe to play. Without such company, how can I (or we) be able to know more things? I've edited these lines about 10 times; truely depressing entries.

derek

"Derek, you have no ball sense." Yes! I think after all these years I still agree with my primary school PE teacher. I went to visit my secondary school friends at Nanyang Polytechnic after school with Benny. The moment I said goodbye to my classmates, I went straight to library and waited for Benny to finish his project on Singapore laws. Switching on my laptop, I tried to do something useful for my first project. I roughly know what it will look like but I'm still at initial stages. Benny arrived at 5:10pm when we're supposed to meet them at 6pm. After much thought, we took the taxi and ended up in a whole new campus. The nap was great. I heard that NYP is the first school this year to have a night Open House so most likely it will be the last stop for visitors. As we walked towards Block M to meet Jing Wen and Yi Jun, I observed the different types of people in their respective cliques. I really liked the environment there. It felt as though I was in a hospital whereby everything around me is calm. Back in TP, there were many live bands playing at various locations and it hit me hard because it felt like everything were organised by students themselves - unorganised. I do not regret on my choices, but more of just observing the difference between both schools, as I am satisfied with where I am right now. There and then, I believe that directors working in polytechnics always face this difficulty of having to educate students to balance their time between work and play. Perhaps not for design students in TP. Meeting both of them with their friends, I wished to be like them and be more natural with people around me to the extend that I could introduce my secondary school friends to my poly friends and not feeling weird that both parties feel awkward. We learned the basics of tennis and was told that it was similar to badminton. I couldn't help but started laughing because my badminton skills were not that far. We couldn't start playing because I found it hard to even get the ball to the other side. We tried serveral times and failed miserably. Benny and I took a break, so we do not bother their weekly exercise. I wish I could be like them sometimes - being about to balance both work and play. Somehow I feel that it is because of block teaching that disallows me to balance myself. I have to run for now, see you!

My minds made up - I'm going to choose Youth Olympic Games as the theme of my handbook project. If I were to carry on wondering which topic to cover on, I will be a step behind the rest. After all, it is a topic that it is within my reach. Now the only challenge for me is to do thorough research as the event is still about a year away and not much information has been given. Though I hear there are many doing the same topic, I am still going forward with my decision. After class, I accompanied my closest friends to the computer laboratory to do some research. Sometimes, I really dislike the fact that we are all doing different things or projects in the same class. I personally feel that, doing the latter, could cause a barrier in friendships if a partner becomes too reserved. We did our research while the Open House was going on below. Loud blaring music drowning repeated teenage cheers with a sky full of lies to entice secondary school students. This made me remember how an Open House should be - where everyone is involved in a way or another. Time went by and I made my way home. While cycling, thoughts raced through my mind "Why do I find myself hard to be sociable, or am I not? Am I a workaholic? Could it be my upbringing? Do I care about myself too much?" How I wish I could be someone better than myself. Reaching home, the new maid greeted me sincerely while the dog was barking at her. I returned her greetings and went straight to sleep as I was tired of everything, literally. Before I could get a ticket to dreamland, it was time for dinner. My mom was hungry. I followed her to IKEA - to eat. While walking into the restaurant, I felt weird. Seeing many people of my age there made me start to disrespect my mother by being sulky at every question she asked. Do I feel embarrass to be with my mother at this age while the others are with their friends? The answer is pretty obvious but I don't want to feel that way. These are the times when I would take out my handphone and remind my siblings to make my life simpler by spending more time with our parents in near future. A quick dinner and we were back home. Nothing much happened today but I will be making my way to play tennis tomorrow. With that, goodnight!

 Heyo! From today onwards for 10 days, my blog will be marked for an assignment so this will be my first entry!

It felt abit weird when I went to the kitchen to take my bottle of water this morning. I don't think anyone knew I had a maid but today Wanti, her name, will be leaving back to her hometown in Indonesia. I didn't know what to say when I took the bottle and I felt awkward if I were not to say any last few words before leaving the house - she would be at the airport when I'm at school which would meant that it will be my last time I'll be seeing her face to face. I then went back to the kitchen, pretending to be thirsty; I drank a cup of warm water. The moment I left the cup in the sink, I said "Wanti, take care yeah." She looked at me with those brown eyes and softly thanked me. Wanti came here to work all the way from Indonesia to earn money. Not to own a living just yet, but to get money to continue studying. Just yesterday, she revealed that she was 19 years old - equivalent to my brother's age. My siblings and I were utterly shocked though we do keep her updated with the latest music and what we experience daily. However, considering the fact that she made countless mistakes and made my mother even more busy over the months she has been here, it was time to let this come to an end. Looking at my watch, I had to make a move so I just bid her goodbye and left the house feeling sad for her. I left for school with my earphones, without my iPod and arrived late for my first Cross-Disciplinary Subject (CDS) - Creative Writing. We played this memory name game that reminded me of the orientation camp for Temasek Design School (TDS) and I could only remember a few names through their faces. I do remember Apple from the orientation camp but I doubt she would because I was quite reserved when I entered this school. We did a few interesting poem exercises and we called it a day for Creative Writing. A quick lunch break and we settled into a small room for our Project One. I am still a bit unsure which topic I would choose for the handbook as none of them seems to be my cup of tea except perhaps Social Responsibility and Youth Olympic Games. This time I will try my best to organise my time well because of the long Chinese New Year weekend. Tomorrow I will have class in the morning as usual and Jeffrey, my Project One lecturer will be on duty during class so I believe I will have to think of something useful during that 3 hours. With that, I end my entry for today so goodnight!

derek

 Heyo! As promised, I will try to blog when I am free ;)
I slept really early yesterday night after my first day at school
for my last lap of Year One. Nothing much happened - only
an extremely long talk by the director for about 3 hours. Our
prayers came true when we didn't had any lessons that day ;D

The night before school reopened, I stayed up late till 5am to do
the previous entry and slept till 7am. Dilly dallied for an hour and woke up.
Asked if papa or mom can fetch me to school so yep. Met Siti and Jessica,
waited for Arif and we walked to Engineering School to meet the rest slowly
walking in. Not surprising, most of them who didn't make it ignored what
happened on Friday when I invited to the CLAP performance.
Anyway, am happy that the ones around me went; I'm more than okay.
Met mom for lunch and purchased a external hard disk so that my computer
and laptop doesn't lag that bad. haha!

This morning for some reasons I woke up pretty early and jogged 
for 22 minutes 14 seconds but I didn't take note on the distance
ahah! failure. Anyway, I'm going to have lunch right now before leaving
for school! Gonna be cycling.. the weather looks damn hot.
Checking out! Will update asap again :D

***

Back! Yeah I did survive the cycling trip and yeah the weather was hot..
and hell yeah, school has officially started and I cannot wait for everything to be over
and done. When I went to school, was shocked that Pung Jin (sp?) knows me.. perhaps
due to that time we had the interview with lecturers then I kena interview with him lol!
He saw me then he told me to go to LT24. I was sweating like hell sia.
Anyway, this is a two-month project so we have to do a personal diary or a handbook.
Quite interesting, I would like to think it as, ahah!
Hopefully everything will go smoothly as I would want it to be though I predict sleepless
WEEKENDS especially during the CNY!
I will be dead, or to be more realistic, I would learn the word eye bag through experience.
Who knows? haha just came back from Mustafa with Mee + Bee Hoon goreng yumyum!

derek

 I'm finally blogging, yes!
Happy New Year!
I feel very lazy to blog ever since I came
back from the China trip. Things has been going
quite good this break though it really still feels abit
short for a November/December break as I mentioned
in the Chilly China entry about a week ago.
Later today, school will resume as per normal for the
last 3 months of year one - I'll be doing the countdown!
I promise I will spend time to blog out my thoughts here
because it was these past few days that I feel that I'm better
with my own expressions through words so here I come! :) 

Since I'm here blogging, here is the video
of my most recent performance at Far East Plaza!
It's my first time performing solo without promoting a social cause.
The time was just great - neither was it too early nor late.
I wanted to perform on Boxing Day but somehow we rescheduled to
2nd January 2009. I thought it was a great opportunity to perform on this stage.
Being the opening act, I thought it would be interesting to set the standard
for the night. I believe it was my best by far and I don't know would I improve.

The title of my set was 'Save A Life' and it was heavily inspired by the song
"How To Save A Life" and the things the people around me and myself
went through in the past and the choices we make to make us who we are today.
From there, I decided to put on this show through the journey of a relationship
in five different stages: hoping, reassuring, reflecting, relaxing, enjoying.
Below are the songs included in the performance. :) 

Hoping:
no one by alicia keys /
i'm yours by jason mraz /
bleeding love by leona lewis /
where is the love by black eyed peas /
three little birds by bob marley /
Reassuring:
follow me by uncle kracker /
if i were a boy by beyonce /
Reflecting:
how to save a life by the fray /
what can i do by the corrs /
Relaxing:
cool by gwen stefani /
beyond the sea by robbie williams /
Enjoying:
just the two of us by bill withers /

Save A Life (Live @ Far East Plaza) [Part 1 of 2]
        

Save A Life (Live @ Far East Plaza) [Part 2 of 2]
        

FYI: The interview at the end was not scripted, it was 100% impromptu!

 I wanna thank my family for being there and taping the video for me,
as well as those who came,
as well as those who were just standing by watching,
as well as those who came but didn't want to meet me, ahem,
I thank you so so so much! :)

I feel so blessed, so contempt with life right now.

I could barely ask for anything more (perhaps more freedom and time, haha).
Before I entered poly, I worried that I may not be able to fit in well. Now that
I'm looking at three more months to the end of my first year, I feel good that
I am doing what I like to do which is designing and performing in my free time
considering the fact that I couldn't get into business school or any poly courses
that has anything relating to music (because you have to master an instrument).

Everything seems to be going right. From the support I get from my
family - I really can't ask for more from them, the friends i've made
in along the way when I was in secondary school - though we have changed
in a way or another but they had always been there for me whenever I needed
to talk to someone and I keep that so dearly that sometimes I feel weird not
seeing them after so many years together in the same room wearing the same
pattern clothing, as well as my new friends I made in poly - Phoebe, Siti, Arif,
Huda, Jolene, etc, just to name a few, helped me adapt to this whole new
environment and made school slightly enjoyable dispite the sleepless nights and
juggling our homework with torturous deadlines monthly.

With that, all the best in whatever you do this year and to my poly friends,
all the best in upcoming PROJECT ONE. hahah!
I'm only looking forward to end of March - holidays.

derek